


nine times people showed leo they loved him, and one time he believed it

by cowardnthief



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: (kinda), Angst, Autistic Annabeth Chase, Autistic Leo Valdez, Autistic Nico di Angelo, Autistic Reyna Avila Ramírez-Arellano, Fluff, Found Family, Gen, Healing, Identity Issues, Platonic Relationships, Self-Acceptance, Self-Esteem Issues, Wholesome, basically leo learning to love himself, set during heroes of olympus
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-12 15:54:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29013135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cowardnthief/pseuds/cowardnthief
Summary: Leo Valdez is autistic, and his friends help him accept himself the way he is.
Relationships: Annabeth Chase & Leo Valdez, Annabeth Chase/Percy Jackson, Hazel Levesque & Leo Valdez, Hazel Levesque/Frank Zhang, Jason Grace & Leo Valdez, Jason Grace/Piper McLean, Leo Valdez & Frank Zhang, Leo Valdez & The Seven, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Nico di Angelo & Leo Valdez, Nico di Angelo/Will Solace, Percy Jackson & Leo Valdez, Piper McLean & Leo Valdez, Reyna Avila Ramírez-Arellano & Leo Valdez, Will Solace & Leo Valdez
Comments: 10
Kudos: 50





	1. Annabeth

**Author's Note:**

> Maybe I'm projecting, but I was rereading HoO and I...feel like it's just really obvious that Leo is autistic. And of course silly little fic idea popped into my head, because I couldn't stop thinking about what HoO would have been like if the Calypso storyline had been replaced with Leo accepting himself as an autistic kid.
> 
> (MoA to post-HoO. Loosely follows canon timeline.)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Annabeth has something to tell Leo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m aware that Asperger’s was only absorbed into ASD in the DSM-5 the year after MoA took place, and that Annabeth probably would have been diagnosed with it, but we’re going to ignore that because Hans Asperger deserves 0 rights. Basically, let’s pretend Asperger’s never existed as a diagnosis.

Leo was still totally scared of Annabeth, which was why he was less than thrilled when he ended up alone with her on the deck of the _Argo II_. Annabeth insisted on going on watch duty with Percy, even though there wasn’t much she could do if some sea monster attacked the ship. Leo was counting on her boyfriend keeping her distracted, but Percy was up in the rigging, screwing around with the sails, and Leo was left standing next to Annabeth, the cool night air and the loaded silence equally chilling his bones.

Leo wasn’t exactly uncomfortable with silence. He was fine with it. Welcomed it, in fact. His brain was loud enough, and conversation was exhausting. The thing that made the silence loaded was that he knew Annabeth must be uncomfortable. Other people always were. Organic life forms, right?

Sometimes Leo felt more like a robot, one of his own machines, than a person. Like Hephaestus hadn’t so much fathered him as he had gathered parts and built him in his workshop, tossed Leo down to earth to see if he could live among humans like some sick, twisted social experiment that he was failing. If that was true (which Leo wasn’t quite ready to rule out) his dad needed a serious talking to. Or maybe a slap in the face.

Leo laughed nervously. “Man, boats, right?” he said. “They’re...” He trailed off. He wasn’t sure where he had been going with that. He should’ve kept his mouth shut.

Annabeth pressed her lips together and breathed out through her nose. It should’ve meant something to Leo, but it didn’t. He felt like he was missing something, which he hated. He hated seeing people give each other silent glances in front of him, like he couldn’t tell what they meant. People thought he was...I don’t know, stupid, maybe. Well, if stupid meant not understanding silent glances, then Leo guessed they were right. But they also thought he was so stupid that he didn’t know he was stupid, which was a little insulting, and apparently wrong.

“Nice weather we’re having,” Leo tried. He was trying to joke around, but Annabeth didn’t seem to notice. He swallowed.

“Leo...” Annabeth said. She let out a long sigh. Her hot breath escaped her lungs like a wispy ghost in the cold night air, winding into the sky until it disappeared. She glanced up at Percy in the rigging, still tugging on ropes and making others whirl around with his mind. Leo looked over too. Percy wasn’t paying them any attention.

Leo looked back to Annabeth. She was staring at him with her hard grey eyes. Leo looked anywhere else.

“Leo...” Annabeth tried again. Based on the established pattern, she wasn’t going to say anything else—but she was a person, so she didn’t follow the pattern. Unpredictable. Not like if Leo had designed her. If Leo ever met Prometheus, he was going to have to have a private word with him about what the hell he was thinking when he made humans out of clay. “You know how most demigods have ADHD? Battle reflexes, which mortals mistake for a disorder?”

“Duh,” Leo said. He finger-gunned at her for the hell of it.

Of course he knew. It was something everyone gave him crap for back when he was in school. He knew Annabeth went through a similar thing. She didn’t look like the poster child of ADHD to the average person, but she had it too, like a lot of demigods.

“And how most of us have dyslexia, but it’s just because our brains are wired for a different language?” Annabeth added.

“What, am I in Demigod 101?” Leo laughed brightly. It made his chest hurt. “I’ve been living like this for years, man. You don’t need to tell _me_ about it.”

Annabeth snorted slightly. It scratched an itch deep in Leo’s soul, just like it always did when he made someone laugh. It was like, “Good job, Leo. You communicated.”

Annabeth bit the inside of her cheek. Leo fought the urge to tell her to spit it out already. Even he could tell she was clearly working up to something.

“Well, what if that wasn’t the only... _thing_ you might have, Leo?” Annabeth said. “The only condition? For lack of a better word.”

Leo shrugged. He turned his back to Annabeth, taking a few steps forward to press his palms to the cool metal rail that lined the edge of the _Argo II_. He forgot his toolbelt back in his cabin. Gods, he needed something to fidget with. He tapped his foot against the deck, twisting his nimble fingers together.

Annabeth didn’t walk forward to meet Leo, which he appreciated. He wasn’t sure whether she had done it for his benefit or because she didn’t want to be any closer to another person than he did.

“It’s usually classified by mortals as ASD,” Annabeth explained. “Autism Spectrum Disorder.” The words hung in the air between them. Now the silence really did feel loaded. “It’s mostly kids of Athena, Hades and Hephaestus who have it.”

Obviously, Leo had heard of autism. He attached it to this sort of caricature in his mind, a culmination of every stereotype he had seen on TV. A skinny white boy in his late teens to his early thirties, a brainiac asshole who didn’t know how to talk to people. Like Sheldon Cooper. It didn’t sound much like Leo. Well, the skinny part was right, even if lanky and knobbly might be more accurate. And the boy part was right too (he was pretty sure about that, anyway).

And...well, Leo didn’t _think_ he knew how to talk to people, but over the years, through forced laughs and rehearsed corny jokes and finger-guns, he’d gotten pretty damn good at pretending. He’d learned how to give off a geeky, awkward sort of vibe, but awkward in the palatable way, the way most people brushed off. In the way that got people not to call him a freak, an alien, a robot. A machine.

Leo realised too late that he’d gotten lost in his thoughts. It had been too long since Annabeth last spoke for it to be a conventional pause in a conversation. (Leo would know. He’d timed it before.)

“Hephaestus?” Leo tried. His voice was dry.

“Yeah,” Annabeth said. When she spoke again, there was a new edge to her voice. Something guarded. “I’m autistic, actually. I got diagnosed with ASD when I was a little kid, at the same time as my ADHD and dyslexia.”

“Oh,” Leo said. His brain wasn’t coming up with anything good to say. “Why... Does Percy know?”

“Yes,” Annabeth said. “Just him, though. I didn’t tell people when I first came to camp, because...well, autism isn’t exactly celebrated in the mortal world, and it isn’t in the demigod world, either. I mean, think about how our parents are treated. My mom, respected but feared, kept at a distance. Your dad, ostracised, ignored. Hades? Don’t get me started on Hades, he’s basically a recluse.” Both of them paused, waiting for the ground to rumble and swallow them whole. It didn’t. Maybe Poseidon was protecting them. Annabeth continued. “Better to let them think I’m just a little blunt, right?”

Leo gulped. He didn’t like what he was hearing. He didn’t like that it made sense. He...he didn’t want to be different. Not again.

He had been different his whole life. The freakishly smart kid who always failed school, who burnt down his childhood home, who couldn’t read a whole book to save his life but could do calculus in his head, who never stopped fidgeting and who screwed around in class instead of working because he _just couldn’t focus_. But then he found out he was a demigod, and that was supposed to explain all his quirks. His ADHD, which were his battle reflexes. His dyslexia, which was his brain being hardwired for Ancient Greek. He was supposed to find a home at Camp Half-Blood, where everyone felt the same as he did—different, but in the same way. Finally. But then— _surprise!_ —demigods were socially competent. They didn’t cry at loud noises. They didn’t understand machines better than people, didn’t prefer AI and robots to organic matter. Leo couldn’t afford not to belong again, to be different in the place where he was finally supposed to be one of the many. If he was the weirdo among weirdos, what the hell was he? And where the _hell_ did he belong?

Annabeth was still standing behind him. Leo didn’t tell her his thoughts. He wasn’t ready to admit to himself that he was thinking them, let alone anyone else. He was worried that if he verbalised them, that would make them true. “And...you’re sure? About me?” he asked instead.

“Ninety-four percent,” Annabeth said. “I’m good at analysing behaviour. People-watching. If you have enough data, you can see it almost always comes in patterns. You’ve given me a lot of data the past few months.

Leo turned around. Annabeth was smiling.

“Are you joking?” he asked. He cringed as the question slipped out of his mouth, but part of him trusted Annabeth not to tease him for not being able to tell.

“Hm.” Annabeth considered. “Half.”

Leo nodded. “Good to know.”

“ _Annabeth_!” Percy shouted. Leo winced at the noise but turned to look in the direction it came from. Percy was waving at them wildly, with his whole arm. “Annabeth, I just realised something! We’ve been totally limiting our range of blue food: let’s go international! Blue dumplings! Blue noodles!”

“Oh, boy,” Annabeth sighed through gritted teeth. “This is what I get for dating a man-child.” She was smiling slightly, though, and Leo figured that meant Annabeth was pretty much fine with dating a man-child.

She was leaving, now, to shout at Percy from the deck. Leo guessed that meant the conversation was over, which left him with something he should probably think about. Something he should definitely _want_ to think about. But instead, he took the classic Valdez approach, and shoved the thought deep into the bottom of his unconscious where it might not bother him for...three, four years? Maybe five if he pushed it.

Now where was that belt of his?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked the first chapter of this fic! The next few chapters have already been written, so updates coming soon. Kudos and comments are appreciated :)
> 
> Find my shitty little tumblr [here](https://cowardnthief.tumblr.com/) and hear my shitty little thoughts <3


	2. Percy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leo gets overwhelmed. Percy knows how to help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Possible content warning: autistic meltdown.
> 
> I did my best to write this accurately. I took experience from my meltdowns, but mine usually come from emotional or tactile overload, so a little different to Leo's. Anyway, Percy is definitely the mum friend and I don't take criticism. You _know_ he'd do anything to help his friends.

It was so _hot_ in the engine room. Leo didn’t mind the heat itself, but the sweat building up on the back of his neck was starting to bother him. It made his clothes stick to his skin in a way that made his chest tighten and tears prickle at the back of his eyes. He wasn’t going to cry, though. He wasn’t a baby.

He had to solve this problem. His friends had done so much over the past few days to keep the ship afloat, and what had Leo done? Failed, time and time again. Everyone said they didn’t blame him, but he couldn’t believe them. How could they not? He was such a screw-up. They didn’t deserve him around. They should’ve taken Nyssa, or one of his other siblings. They could probably build a ship that actually stayed afloat.

Leo tugged at the collar of his shirt. His gut was in knots. He wanted to run away from the engine room as fast as his legs would allow, but that wasn’t an option. No. Leaving meant that something could go wrong, and that something would be his fault, and he wasn’t going to let that happen again. The lives of seven other people—well, and one very angry satyr—were relying on him doing his best. Not just his best, even; the impossible.

He spun his wrench around his fingers (a move he spent months perfecting, which still made him feel pretty cool whenever he pulled it off) and tightened a bolt on the machine he was working on. Just as he turned away, a loud _pop_ sound rang throughout the engine room, followed by high pitched hissing. 

_Fuck._ Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Leo turned back to face the machine. Air was escaping from the top edge where the pressure made the metal seam split. It wasn’t going to destroy the ship or anything, but it meant it wasn’t functioning to its full capacity. This was the kind of thing Leo always screwed up. If the _Argo II_ was attacked now, Festus might not detect it, and then someone might die and it would be Leo’s fault for tightening a bolt too much.

Leo tried to clear his mind, focus on fixing it, but his thoughts were muddy. Clouded. The pressure of tears behind his eyes increased tenfold. No, no, no, _no_. This wasn’t happening. This was supposed to be the thing he was good at. The hissing felt like it was getting louder, filling his head and making his stomach twist and his clothes seem unbearably tight. Leo stomped his foot instinctively. Sharp pain and embarrassment shot up through his leg as soon as he did it. He felt like a little kid throwing a temper tantrum because he didn’t get the toy he wanted. He was fifteen, and he built this ship, and he should be able to fix it without bursting into tears.

The wrench clattered loudly out of his hand. Leo squeezed his eyes shut tightly. He felt weak, and powerless, and the muddy feeling in his brain was seeping into the rest of his body, like the noise was invading him. Leo pressed his hands to his ears. A low, anguished groan rent the air, and he barely registered it was coming from him.

Two taps came from the doorway. Leo’s eyes flew open and he glanced over. Percy. Percy fucking Jackson. Gods, this might be the most embarrassing situation Leo had found himself in since all his clothes had burnt off in the forge at Camp Half-Blood. But at least that had been with his siblings. This was Percy Jackson, the demigod of the first great prophecy, the most powerful person on this ship, possibly in the world, who was definitely still a little mad at him for firing on New Rome, and here Leo was, stomping his feet and crying like a baby because the noise in the engine room was too loud. Not even able to solve a simple problem, the reason he was even allowed on this quest in the first place. What was _wrong_ with him?

Leo couldn’t figure out the expression on Percy’s face. It should’ve been confusion, or exasperation, or annoyance, but it wasn’t any of those. It was...sadness, maybe? Or worry? But then his face hardened, and now it was determination, a look Leo recognised from when Percy would fight monsters or challenge gods. For a second, Leo worried that Percy was going to beat him up, but then his grip on his ears loosened, and the hissing noise filled his head again, and he couldn’t find it in himself to care. He groaned again. He felt so weak, like he might crumple to the floor, and hot all over, which never happened.

Percy walked over cautiously. Leo could feel his gaze burning into him. His heart rate quickened. He wasn’t expecting it when Percy only held out his hand like a peace offering, hovering it over Leo’s shoulder.

“Can I touch you?” he asked. Leo could barely hear him through the hissing noise and his hands over his ears, but he understood. He looked up at Percy, whose sea green eyes weren’t meeting his. Leo wasn’t sure why, but he appreciated it. It felt like a gesture. Intentional. He nodded. Percy’s hand fell to his shoulder, gripping it gently. “I’m gonna take you to your cabin.”

And then Percy was guiding Leo up the stairs of the engine room, out into the hall, past doors, and it was so easy to stumble along with him. He walked slow, and tried not to touch Leo more than he had to, just enough to pull him along.

A single thought tugged in the back of Leo’s muddled mind, the knowledge that the engine room was still malfunctioning, that he needed to fix it, but he couldn’t stutter out the words. He was probably too weak to turn around without Percy’s guidance, even if he tried.

Leo’s hands slowly fell from his ears. He turned to twisting them around each other. He didn’t realise he had been biting his lip until the taste of blood filled his mouth. A drop fell to the floor in front of him. Percy made a soft “oh” sound when he saw.

“Sorry,” Leo stuttered out. It was all he could manage.

“Don’t be,” Percy said. Leo couldn’t believe him. Guilt and humiliation tore up his insides almost as much as the noise had in the engine room.

“’M sorry,” Leo muttered again. Percy probably didn’t hear him.

Percy steered Leo into his cabin and sat him down on his bed. Leo was vaguely aware of him turning and leaving. He figured he wasn’t coming back.

Leo tucked his legs to his chest, winding his fingers in his hair. He whined again, rocking back and forth and trying to reduce the whole world to his sensations, hoping to get rid of the aftershocks of whatever the noise had done to him. His clothes still felt too tight. He _wished_ they had burnt off.

Fuck. The noise. The engine. The ship was vulnerable. He had to fix it. He tried to stand. His knees knocked against each other. He was about to take a step when Percy’s hands were on his shoulders, pushing him back down. He had come back.

“You’re not going anywhere, Leo,” Percy said. Then he winced. “Well. You can. I don’t want to force you to stay here, but I think leaving would be a really bad idea.”

Leo privately agreed. He knew staying was his choice, but it was easier to pretend Percy had forced him to. He pulled his legs back up to his chest. His tongue ran over the spot where he had drawn his own blood. A sob wracked his body.

“Can I?” Percy asked. Leo glanced up. He was holding a weird necklace in his hands, with some kind of bloated guitar pick hanging from it. “Annabeth has spares. Unused, I promise.”

Leo shrugged, but the movement was so sluggish, he wasn’t even sure it was noticeable. If Percy wanted him to wear jewellery, it’s not like he had the energy right now to care. Percy draped the chain around Leo’s neck, then held the guitar pick thing in front of his mouth. A few seconds had passed before Percy offered some kind of explanation.

“You chew it,” he said. “I don’t want you to hurt yourself.”

Leo looked up at Percy for a moment. It was definitely worry on his face again. And...pity? Either way, it made Leo feel like absolute shit. He didn’t want to be the reason that the great Percy Jackson was worried. And if there was pity in there, like he suspected...well, he hated being pitied, looked down on. It made him feel like a kid, like someone who needed to be babied. Reluctantly, he took the guitar pick from Percy’s hand and put it between his teeth. (Eating out of Percy’s hand felt like a step too far in the bro code.)

It was rubber. Soft, but hard enough to bite down on without damaging. Leo had to admit, he started to feel a little better. He buried his face in his knees and started rocking again slightly.

“Do you want me to go?” Percy asked.

Leo didn’t mind, really. But he hated the idea of Percy wasting another second of his time on babysitting him. He let the question hang in the air. He wasn’t sure if he had the energy to answer.

“I’m gonna leave you alone,” Percy said quietly. Leo heard footsteps, then a soft click as the door of his cabin closed, then more footsteps, retreating, fading into silence.

* * *

Leo felt guilty for days after. He averted his eyes whenever Percy was around. Well, eye contact wasn’t exactly something he made often, but now he was definitely avoiding it on purpose. He tried not to talk to Percy, and he _really_ tried not to end up on any missions with the guy. Part of it was because he knew he’d have to broach the subject at some point, and that wasn’t something he was ready to do. What if everyone had been talking about him behind his back? What if they thought he was unstable? What if they had developed this whole plan of action to make sure he didn’t lose his shit and go on some kind of murderous rampage? Leo might die if Percy had told the rest of the crew what had happened.

Not to mention, Leo knew he had to apologise to Percy. And thank him. Really, seriously thank him, because he might have actually gone on a murderous rampage if he hadn’t gotten out of the engine room when he did, and he might have chewed his lip off if Percy hadn’t given him that necklace. (The necklace that was currently washed and sitting in the back of his underwear drawer. Just in case.)

It was the morning when Leo had woken up late. He stumbled to the dining room, not caring that he was still in his pyjamas. He was bleary-eyed as he grabbed a plate and sat down at the table. The plate filled itself magically with pancakes (Leo really was a genius for bringing these plates along) covered in maple syrup and butter. Leo had started attacking the stack with his knife and fork before he looked around the table.

His utensils clattered to the plate. It was Percy. _Just_ Percy, no buffer.

“Morning,” Percy said. Leo couldn’t tell what he was thinking. He was eating blue dumplings for breakfast, though, which was an interesting choice (and one Leo respected).

“Morning,” Leo replied shakily.

Percy ate another dumpling. “We don’t have to talk about it.”

Well, now they kind of did, because Percy brought it up, and the bubble was popped.

Leo laughed. It was breathy and sounded kind of nervous. He hoped Percy didn’t notice. “I have to thank you, at least,” he said. “So...uh, thanks, man. And sorry, it won’t happen again.”

“It might,” Percy said. “You can’t control it, right? That’s what Annabeth said.”

So they _had_ been talking about him. Fuck. There was a pressure in the back of Leo’s throat, but he refused to cry again in front of Percy. “Oh,” Leo said. His voice was squeaky. “I... You talk about me?”

“Not about you specifically,” Percy said. “But Annabeth explained autistic meltdowns to me so I could help her with them. I figured that was what was going on, right?” He didn’t give Leo time to respond. “Well, I guess we kind of talk about you. She mentioned you might be autistic. Like her.” Percy paused, lips pressed together. “Sorry.”

Great, now _Percy_ was apologising to _him_.

“Autistic meltdown?” Leo echoed. It didn’t sound much better than a tantrum.

“Yeah,” Percy said. “Annabeth said they happen when she’s overwhelmed with her senses or emotions. She’s especially sensitive to sound. It would’ve been the broken machine sound that, like, triggered you, I think.”

Leo nodded blankly. The memory of his conversation with Annabeth a few nights previous turned over in his head.

“Leo?”

He looked up. Percy was looking at him, his face soft.

“It wasn’t your fault. You know that, right? And if you want to tell the rest of the crew, that’s just six more people that will help you when you need it,” he said. Then he scrunched up his nose like he reconsidered. “Well, Coach Hedge might just scream and wave his bat around. Not sure what that would do against sound. But Hazel, Jason, Piper, Annabeth, even Frank. They’d all help. Or they’d try, at least. If you’d let them.”

Leo pressed his lips together, pulling his gaze back down to his pancakes. He pulled at the curls on the base of his neck. “Okay,” he said. He didn’t look back up at Percy.

Maybe this was going to be harder to ignore than he thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter two is up (believe it or not). Hope you liked it! Comments always appreciated :)
> 
> Find my shitty little tumblr [here](https://cowardnthief.tumblr.com/) and hear my shitty little thoughts <3


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